“Monday Night Football” boasted a pair of intriguing contenders to close Week 4, with the Chargers playing host to the Raiders in a clash of high-flying AFC West front-runners. What it did not offer, however, was everyone’s new favorite prime-time duo: Peyton and Eli Manning, who debuted their own ESPN2 broadcast during the first three weeks of the season.
Where were the Manning brothers for the Chargers-Raiders game? Sitting at home. Or at a bar. Or somewhere, just not in their typical “booths.” Why? Because they’re only contracted to do 10 “Monday Night Football” broadcasts this season, and so they’re taking a break until Week 7, when the Seahawks play host to the Saints on Oct. 25.
If you’re stuck there sitting somberly, wondering how you’re gonna make it until close to Halloween without your fill of Peyton and Eli on “Monday Night Football,” fret not. Because we took some time to imagine what their conversations might’ve looked like during the first half of this week’s contest between the Chargers and Raiders. Please note that none of the following conversations are real. Repeat: They are made up. But if you’re desperate for Manning Brothers content, this should do:
Peyton: You can’t be serious. We’re getting word that the game will be delayed until … 8:55 Eastern, they’re saying … because of lightning. We’re talking about an indoor building, folks. Last I checked, lightning doesn’t travel through the roof.
Eli: Are you sure about that?
Peyton: Yes, Eli, I’m sure. But that’s what we’re hearing, a delayed start. Wow. And they’re keeping the TV crews on the field!
Eli: Maybe because they’re not wearing helmets?
Peyton: This is why I’m frustrated by this, I have to spend another 30 minutes with you.
Eli: You know, one thing I’m noticing while we wait for the kickoff is these uniforms. What do you think, Peyton, are these the nicest jerseys we’ve seen so far this year?
Peyton: Oh no doubt. In fact, it almost makes me a little jealous. You know, all those years wearing the Colts blue, you don’t get a ton of variety with that one.
Eli: No you don’t. And we didn’t have it much better in New York.
Peyton: Don’t worry, you would’ve made these look bad, too.
Eli: Oh! Did you see that?!
Peyton: Oh my sweet Elway, was that a tackle. I mean, if I’m Jon Gruden, I’m using that film to teach my safeties how to bring a guy down, every week, for the rest of the season. Pulls out whiteboard to draw up Renfrow’s path to the ball.
Eli: Starts dressing up as Hunter Renfrow to outdo Peyton’s diagram. Can’t get the helmet off afterward, so retakes his seat in full gear.
Peyton: Eli, where did you get the Raiders helmet, by the way? Are you ready to share this story?
Eli: Maybe later, Peyton.
Peyton: Did Jon give you a call last year? Are you ready to share this?
Peyton: Oh my, are they really gonna call this here? They are. Darren Waller has the audacity to get excited after his big catch, and that’s a penalty on the Raiders.
Eli: Oof. That’s rough.
Peyton: That’s ridiculous. Horseradish.
Eli: I think you probably celebrated harder than that when you played.
Peyton: Darren, you send us whatever bill is coming your way, and Eli and I will pay that for you.